Her eyes met his briefly. “That’s not what I meant at all. You’re turning my words around.”
“So you are worried about me?”
Charlie didn’t want to answer him, not just because she was so confused about how she felt, but because she knew her feelings for him were not returned. She felt as if he were trying to set her up for some cruel joke.
“Aye.” She couldn’t meet his eyes.
“So, you care for me?”
“You are my patient. Of course, I care.”
If she’d looked up, she would have seen that he did not like the way she justified her answer.
“Do you…love me?”
“Why are you making fun of me? Do you think it’s funny that I have feelings for you? I know you are a man of the world and I know so little of it. Do I love you? I don’t know. I’ve never been in love before. All I know is I can’t stop thinking about you and the way you kissed me and the way you touched me.”
“You said you loved Morty,” he reminded her.
“It’s not the same.”
“So you don’t think about his kisses and his touch.”
“It’s not the same.”
He frowned at that. He wanted to hear her say, Morty neither kissed her nor touched her, but for her to say they were not the same meant Morty had kissed her and touched her.
She could tell he didn’t like her answer and wondered if he was jealous. But she wasn’t ready to admit to him what she hadn’t yet admitted to herself. “His kisses don’t make my knees weak. His touch doesn’t make the world disappear.”
“And mine does?” Jaxon asked astonishment in his voice.
She looked at him through her lashes. His smile took her breath away.
“Aye,” she said, shyly.
“So you admit you love me?” he asked hopefully.
“No, I’m not admitting anything.”
“You love your Morty, but not me?” His tone became gruff.
“Can we please not talk about Morty?”
“Answer my question.”
Frustrated, Charlie lashed out. “Damn it, Jaxon! It’s not the same. You’re asking me to compare two different things. You’re asking me to compare the feel of silk to the taste of pie. I love both, but they don’t compare.”
“So you do love me?”
“Stop making fun of me.”
He could hear the frustration in her voice. “Why do you think I’m making fun of you?” he asked gently.
“Because you know I like you more than you like me. I keep throwing myself at you and you keep pushing me away. I’m not stupid.”
Jaxon let his head fall back on the pillow. This was not going the way he wanted. He needed her to tell him because he wanted to tell her he loved her back, but she wasn’t ready to say the words he read in her eyes.
Damn it, maybe Daniel was right. Maybe this was like Millie Adams again. Maybe he was just seeing what he wanted to see. That was why it was important for her to say it first, so he could see his feelings were returned and it wasn’t just in his head.
“Don’t mistake my restraint for not caring. I’m trying to do the right thing and not take advantage of you.”
Charlie crossed the room and poured herself some water and took a couple of sips. “Jax, you need your sleep if you’re going to heal.”
“You need to get some sleep, too.”
She turned out the lantern, but went back to the chair rather than get in the hammock.
“Do you want to share the bunk?”
Remembering the humiliation of being kicked out of it the last time, she declined.
“I’m still on duty. I’ll sleep after your fever breaks.”
16
Jaxon’s fever broke before sunrise. He woke up feeling better than he had since he was injured. Charlie had been up most of the night. Now that Jaxon was truly on the mend, she wanted nothing more than to climb into her hammock for a few hours, but he convinced her to wait until after breakfast. He scooped up her hand in his and kissed the back of her hand and didn’t let go of it until he pulled out the dining room chair for her. Daniel, his face still bruised and swollen, was already seated at the table and stood up while Charlie was being seated.
Jaxon leaned over and whispered in his brother’s ear.
“The deed is done.”
He had convinced himself if Daniel believed he had bedded Charlie, Daniel would understand his interference would be moot. Jaxon knew in his heart, if things were allowed to progress naturally, he and Charlie would eventually marry, assuming she would accept when he proposed. But he had to get Daniel to butt out.
Jaxon took his place between Charlie and Daniel and picked up his cup of coffee.